I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
