I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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