so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
