Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
