i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
