If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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