i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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