Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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