wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
