Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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