god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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