i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
