Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
