Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize