As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so explain again why im purple
no
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
