p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
