when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
