worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Someone signed my nipple.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
