I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
