The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Be still, my beating vagina.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
