i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize