Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
