I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
