My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When are your genitals available?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize