It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
