I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
