So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
COCAINE IS GR8
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
