Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
