just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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