Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
