If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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