i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
