I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
