i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
