we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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