So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
