I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
