Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize