i'm signing you up for texting rehab
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
