Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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