Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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