so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
