I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
