Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
