i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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