I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel great
I just peed on a car
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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