Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
