I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Drunk is not a location!
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