wanna go halves on a baby?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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