Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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