you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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