God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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