fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize