Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
