You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize