Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
