a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
