In the future we'll all be gay
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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