I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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