Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
