I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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