I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
