and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
