So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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