You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
