tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize