Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
