I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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