Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
