I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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