you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
