i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
be right there i have to get my cape
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
