If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
